How to respond to rejection from a guy

50 Single Men Get Real About Rejection | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network

50 Single Men Get Real About Rejection | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network4 Nov. 2012
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Have you ever wondered why a man doesn't call even when he says he will? Iyanla gathers 50 single men and 300 single women in one room to watch sparks fly and get answers to common dating questions. For more on #FIXMYLIFE, visit

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In the popular self-help series, “Iyanla: Fix My Life”, bestselling author, spiritual life coach and television host Iyanla Vanzant goes behind closed doors to help people whose relationships and lives have broken down.

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50 Single Men Get Real About Rejection | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network

Comments (100)

Wouldn't touch that Blimp!


The last guy is talking trash!

Ladenna Young

Right! It's pretty stupid to lie about it. STOP pursuing people if you are not interested.


Wishy washy guys that say theyll call but dont call and wanna be chaser but at the sametime never try... they just playing ego games.
Time waisters.

youtube account

Ladies remember the egg doesn't swim to the sperm

Patrick Starks

This is so biased and a man slaughter fest. Like can any of those women in that crowd honestly say that they havent did the same to man? I guess what I'm saying is stop trying to put a bad stigma on just men. We are all human meaning we are all more than likely to do the same thing at some point. Women arent saints neither are men. And if you honestly believe that, I'll pray for your mental health. Seriously. But I do understand one thing is that we all need to learn to communicate better as humans and stop wasting each others time. Simple as that.

robelto burrows

What a blackfemale, say and do, is two different thing?


Women cannot handle the truth

Liv Nonord

Ms. Iyanla.... just remember runners goes forth for a mark or price....

When you're not serious
Anything is thrill I can go home and go on because the responsibilities to run and run together is never really the option until turning 75 if God willing and let this thing move in that direction....

Who is sane & in their right mind to pursue love, life and hope and to know you'll look at your little babies in their eyes to know you don't have the universe in all aspects of good and provision and protection to not keep running as Paul did to a higher calling.... misfortune doesn't belong to those of faith in God but the direction even the church is going there's no guarantee you and I can trust anything but God and even there we are left all on our knees praying that there will not be a when or in flesh a wind too big for strenght as feeble as yours and mine

Nono Buddie



Life is never that cut and dry. People are different, stop trying to find rules about ALL WOMEN .... or ALL MEN.... No two people are alike not even siblings. For example a guy may hold back because he doesn't want a rejection to end a good friendship. Women can say no to someone they like because they have someone else they are more interested in at the moment..... It really is up to you to decide if it's worth it and call. Both of YOU. Man and woman.


Iyanla has some great looking black men on the panel! ???? All shades of ???. Yummy!

Dorothy Green

This is too cute.


Of course women chase men, but in a much more subtle way, because no man has ever gotten a woman who didn't choose (for whatever reason - not necessarily love) him first.

Kenneth Hinds

Them woman so aggressive an difficulty an they challenge our opinion like they always do time after time after time

Jerry Jordan

Me personally I like when the Women to Chase me ! It's Not only Flattering but I get More Women than the Guy Chasing Women !

un known

bitch&s ghost dudes all the time yall so full of yourselves foh

Richard Vazquez

Omg ima have to find this full clip csuse tha last guy was a simp of all simps

Gilmore Underwood

This has been a on going PROBLEM MEN and WOMEN In LIFE every scine there have been MEN and WOMEN in LIFE. Most MEN know the TRUTH about the POWER WOMEN hold over them LIFE WE do not like those that know but WE have to LIVE with it . WOMEN know the TRUTH about the GREAT POWER they hold over MEN in LIFE , some WELD that POWER WISELY in LIFE and UNFORTUNATELY in know that USE it to CRUSH and DESTORY MEN COMPLETELY in LIFE and will do it in a HEART BEST . Wise MEN LEARN to ACCEPT this GREST POWER the can WELD and use in LIFE and STEEL themselves for it when it comes in LIFE . They ate not TOTALLY and COMPLETELY DESTORYED in LIFE when encounter in LIFE . Some are HURT by it most can ACCEPT it MOVE on in LIFE . UNFORTUNATELY I know WHOM where so DESTORYED by if , it WRECKED there LIFE there no more LIFE for them some have even COMMITTED SUICIDE behind being REJECTED in by a WOMAN they wanted in LIFE. No WOMAN wants every MAN in LIFE just as no MAN wants every WOMAN in LIFE it's the way LIFE has always been and will be . STEEL the MENTALITY against being REJECTED Is LIFE is not EASY but those who know LIFE know it happens , it how a INDIVIDUAL DEALS with that REJECTION is what DETRIMENTS the CONTENT of there CHARACTER in LIFE a MAN or WOMAN In LIFE . If YOU RECOVER and MOVE ON GOOD but some just not ACCEPT it and either almost DESTORY by it or some CASES COMPLETELY DESTORYED by it . How YOU PREPARE for some is ENEBBIBLE in LIFE I PERSONALLY think no one really can but it's something ALL know WE are going have to DEAL with st some POINT in LIFE .At MY AGE as MAN I have been REJECTED in before and LIVED so it's no PROBLEM, so though have been REJECTED in LIFE and how they will DEAL with is DIFFERENT . It's the most GREAT POWER that WOMEN hold OVER MEN in LIFE as WISE MEN STEEL themselves for it in LIFE it's going HAPPEN LIFE and do not LIE to YOURSELF and ever say it will not .

Bl4ck Aether

The OWN is toxic.


Even rejection is different today. Back in 90s early 2000s. You ask a girl out she says no it’s over. Today she takes a screen shot post it says look how thirsty he is.

Failed termination

... I'm so glad I'm not single. Everything about the mating process sounds aggravating. If the gods forbid my relationship won't last, I'm staying to myself this is too mentally taxing for my taste.


women dont want a man to persue them because thats a man with no value and no options ,women want to persue men that have of high value and has options because women want what they cant have and thats just nature, the reason you will never see this being adressed is because women never represent their true nature in front of people and thats her logical state, she represents her true nature when shes alone in her emotional state period!

Derp A Derp

High earning women: "Where are all the good men?"
Low earning women: " Where are all the good men?"

Men: "Where are all the women?"

gorgeous wales

Good! ♥️

KingRolex Caceus



Women get mad when the guy doesn't call them back because then it takes the opportunity away from her to reject you. Women get a high out of being able to reject men

Davey Green

Dude in the suit said, "nobody screamed for me." Lol


"You can't handle the truth!" If a man tells a woman he is not interested, there is a big chance of it turning into a big dramatic moment of anger and tears. Many men will want to avoid all that and just leave with no explanation.

Letumile Ledwaba

"Love us and respect us enough to know that we can handle your truth"


Latinas and Beckies win with the feminine ways...???

Dan. A

Wait for some one who understands you and will meet you in the middle. Man or woman, we are human beings, searching for communion.

E113 Jelly

She did in the beginning what she’s told of every girl not to do when asking a question coming on to strong


"If a girl shows you she's interested, why do you have a fear of rejection."

How does she show she's interested? Being nice? Touching my shoulder in a conversation? Smiling at me? That's called being nice.

Fear for rejection? Men literally get charged for harassment or labeled as creepers if women take a man's advancements the wrong way. Are these women that retarded? I guess so.

Florian WIild

Why we dont call Back or showing intresst becouse nobody wants a loud mouth woman


Why are we still talking about this in 2020...with the sistas? Do we even learn and evolve as women?

Lissy London

Women can handle rejection... men can't. That's why women should be the pursuers NOT MEN!


why arent there any single asian men on that show?

Sweet Tea

Men don’t call because their playing the field and you should too!! ?


That woman might like to chase but with her, I'd be running away!


???At 3:19, she didn't stand up because she likes to chase. She stood up because she has to chase. LOL, when the bear is hunting you.

James Wilson

Question. Can a woman really deal with rejection?

The Perfect Storm

She is speaking to a BM who dates BW! BW chase after BM who are not like him. That BM is Upstanding and Competent and BW love Dusty Thug BM! Case Closed!

Gradual Pull

Because women play games and rob you for everything. Every man would appreciate and love it if females treated us like the prize, because we are, you're trying to get with good men. Approaching anxiett just isn't worth it.


Shes crazy

Kingdom Perspectives #MindSetReset

Exactly to all that the last man said in this clip.. Exactly.


Most women like to "chase" MONEY - 3:16 If she chased after me, I'd RUN! - 3:25


where is the full version


Thats why friendzoning everybody works oit so well.
1.The ones that dont have the petience to be ir driend eliminate themselfs
2.the ones that are willing to be friends dont feel fear of being rejected
3. girl never chases anyone.

Strang 1

Only the Simps & delusional get on TV.

Jace’s Own World

To answer that Latin women's question as to why we would have the fear of rejection when she is already showing attention? It is because just because a woman shows attention, we have no idea why she is showing attention, and for those of us men that have been single for a long time, we have seen a woman go from being interested to non-interested just like that, with absolutely no idea why she became uninterested. So our guard is up all the time, and because of that, we are fearful of being rejected.

Jermaine Jones

Men get rejected more then women ever know...

Terri Williams

Nah, that's not attractive for a woman to chase a man

Olivia Samuels

Women chase chase women..women chase differently though... E.g posting airbrushed photos on social media... Dressing to kill if they are going to places with guys etc.

Vandal Savage

I discovered this sister from a clip on Aba and Preach. Pure wisdom and great example for other women in my opinion.

Cloo Viewer

50 vs 300.....that's fair. Yes that was sarcasm.

Adrian Blake-Williams

Wow, look how Iylana is talking to the man, like she’s talking down to him. So disrespectful.

Foreign Creations

I’ve given up on dating that’s why I don’t call or react to women when they show they’re interested.


Fear of Rejection!


Miserable show and hypocritical mentality.
" It's men's fault" once again.
That would be fine back in 1980s 1990s but not today.
Nowadays the issue is that we prioritise women's needs and wishes only not men's.

John Holman

I'm not gonna lie. I liked to be pursued a little by a woman because that let's me know you're interested in me also. Alot of selfish women don't look at it that way, why? Well because most women are self-centered and selfish. They want you to do all the calling, talking, planning dates, driving and complimenting. When men want that naturally given back to them, women act like we just sinned against Jesus Christ.

Ladenna Young

And other women when you hear a woman or other women having an open dialogue about something and trying to gain clarity in regards to that subject. Now is NOT the time to holler about what women do to men. It's not a competition.


True, when a man doesn't call, it is because he's not interested, but ONE of the reasons that men can't say it, is because many men are SIMPS (not meant to be negative), meaning they were probably raised by single mothers and I think the thought of hurting a woman is difficult to confront, because of this...

Britt Nicole

Stand up if you like to ( gary Coleman) stands up ???????

Paulette Hammond-Duerson

This video is recommended for me, why?
Have I hurt someone (A man). Have I rejected someone?

It doesn't seem like I have. Men and women interpret rejection differently. For women ~ when a man isn't occupying all of her time, making her laugh, making her smile, never keeping her guessing or wondering how he feels. She feels rejected. Therefore she starts to reject him. It's a matter of protecting her feelings.

For me, its not about rejecting him, as it is more about protecting me. I recently met someone on social media and the it was fun flirting back and forth in the beginning. But, once it was time to move forward, things on his end just fizzled out. In the beginning, they were posting on almost every social media platform I use, I didn't have to look for them. It was like they wanted to make sure I saw the face every day, 2 and 3 times per day, all day. Then it slowly changed to me having to go look for post, That to me is rejections!!! So you baited me, got me hooked, then you wanted me to start chasing you. I can't chase after a man, I don't care who he is. I will just cut it off, period. But I am not going to chase you!
Old school song say, "Same thang it took to get your babe hooked, its going to take the same thang to keep her" If you pull away from me, I will let go. Don't call it being rejected! It's all on you.

Men really like that stuff, chase a woman, get her interested in him, and then want her to chase after him, its all for his benefit, to feed his ego and not for developing a healthy relationship. A am seriously a grown woman, looking for a real man that is not playing games. He should have reached out personally by now, I should not have had to tell him if he was a real man. And it got to that point "Either you are going to take the next step or you are not and you are wasting my time. And now you just blocking the way for someone who will be what I am looking for. Being rejected was/is a result of the choices you made or didn't make.

Don't confuse being rejected with not stepping up to the plate, there is a difference.


I can't blame these men cause I have ghosted so many men hoping they get the hint I am not interested of course I never said I would call them either typically it's one date and I never call again.

john magill

You know, if a woman doesn't call back, the man takes the hint. So, ladies, if the man doesn't call back TAKE THE HINT!


We are worried about being considered a creep and if we ask out a girl they will lie and say we assaulted them. We are worried about Metoo and how the laws treat women better in so many areas but treat men like crap. Relationships are too risky for men and if you get married the women can no-fault divorce you and take a lot of your wealth as well as having the upper hand in custody.

James Smith

1:11 lies. You won’t call coz your not interested

friendly misanthrope

Since when do most women give the benefit of clear communication?


If chicks is rejecting them, I don't have a chance?

Angel Israel

Yes I agree with the man who said men liked to be chased. Men who like to be chased aren’t marriage material. The eggs never chase the sperm. ?

Tom G

Dating in this day and age isn't about finding love, it's about seeking validation. 100% narcissism. Good men and women just chewed up and spit out. If they're lucky, two good people may find each other by accident.


Don’t chase women, neither don’t validate them. You keep doing that you will always lose them.


Look how brother And blue sweater got up very confident looks like a solid eight maybe even a 10 and young gal stands up looking like a solid two maybe a negative one thinking when she got a chance that made me laugh I had to pause and put a comment down

Jarrade Curry


KingRolex Caceus

Never care about rejections !!! Guys !????

zaky bara

damn. challenging somebodys reality this was so weise didnt expect that

Mysterious Phantom

Sometimes rejection can cause you to have a coronary.


Women: Respect us and tell us the truth...

Also Women: keeps dodging and spins around and never tells the truth even after she gets caught and had a lie detector test

Derp A Derp

Legalize prostitution and put these whores out of business.

Batman r.

3:56 lmao


The last guy said something! Men want to want you once they have you and they no longer have nothing to love and want n chase and miss, you see a change in him


Guy at 2:29 like (you finally solved the puzzle

Ramesh Krishnan

Guys will ghost you... Gals will friend zone you


She needs to let the


These men are too afraid to tell the truth


Trust and respect me enough to know that i can handle the truth. ........ Can i have another Inyala in this comment section. Because i always fear that people are too fragile to handle the truth.

John Holman

B.S.!!!!! First, women can't handle the truth.

Łegend’s TV

When the girl stood up hilarious ???

George Spindler

Fear of rejection. True. I love it when a girl returns my call. Goes both ways.

Conrad Smith

One time a girl asked me for my number and she texted me. A day or two later I asked her on a date and she ghosted me. Girls reject even when they showed interest initially and even recently.

Lisa Bill

These dudes spoke all truths lol


Stop saying we want the truth, women for the most part don’t want that. We tell the truth and it gets twisted into her truth to fit her narrative instead of listening to what he said and taking it for what it is. But she’s right on here

Liv Nonord

3:12 praise God for truth and true strenght within

Britt Nicole

They dont call cuz of rejection??? OK?? Your dum

Defence Bangladesh

Women never accept rejections.

Ladenna Young

Yep that last guy was honest. But at the end of the day. Don't pursue someone pretending to be interested, and tell them you are going to call and never do. Then turn around and hope she just take the hint. That's called ghosting, and that is immature. Just be upfront. Sometimes you think things will work out at first, but after interacting with someone. You find you are not compatible. Just be honest point, blank, and simple.


When a man tells the truth...
A women will cry and we are made to feel bad

Jennifer G

If men is interested, he will call you. I am OLD enough to get it finally.

How do I move on from rejection and not let it affect my self-worth? — Susan Winter

How do I move on from rejection and not let it affect my self-worth? — Susan Winter3 Apr. 2018
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Viewer Lola writes, “Hi

Viewer Lola writes, “Hi Susan! How do you move on from rejection and not let it affect your self worth?” Though your ego is bruised, one person doesn’t determine your worth. Here’s how to process what occurred and move forward.

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As seen on OPRAH, bestselling author/relationship expert Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence and Older Women/Younger Men) writes, speaks and coaches on evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Media credits include: THE OPRAH SHOW, THE TODAY SHOW, GOOD MORNING AMERICA, ABC/CBS/NBC EVENING NEWS, CNN, BBC, COSMO, HARPERS BAZAAR, PEOPLE, GOOD HOUSEKEEPING, NEW YORK MAGAZINE, THE LONDON TIMES, and THE NEW YORK TIMES. In radio, Susan is a frequent guest on NPR, ABC, PLAYBOY RADIO (Sirius), and CBS NEWS RADIO. She’s also a contributing writer for THE HUFFINGTON POST, and THE GOOD MEN PROJECT.

Comments (100)

Your voice is soothing lol me sub I love your channel .. you speak the truth !?


This is such a powerful wake up call. I am still in pain cuz my ego is hurting so much from rejections, which sometimes feels like the theme of my life. But I think it’s going to suck less day by day and I’m going to keep listening to this. Thank you so much.


If a man rejects a woman it is a real honest rejection
If a woman rejects a man it means it’s not the right timing (hormones or the cash the man has)

There you go, lads!

Grammer Pro

Oh my god this is exactly what I needed to see. I feel so much better.

Gef Leigh

Wow ,you are so right, I realise I go for ladys that are either spoken for ,!or wouldn't look at someone like me twice,I need to lower my standards to find a kindred spirit, a plain,! low achiever,! who is just grateful for the attention, as I will be ,thank you for your insight, Gef.


When a Men sacrificed all the things for a women love he find the always loneliness and Infact that is truth because women bound the Men he used to do sacrifice for her.

Insightful_ Fairy

I wish you were my best friend! Haha


0:17 Gotta love how when men can't accept rejection, they're considered to be scary, sick, psychotic stalkers, but when a woman can't handle rejection, "Awwwwww, lets wrap her up in cotton wool, and give her warm milk and cookies!!!!!" There's been times on facebook when I've messaged, like 50 women or so in one day, and none of them have replied. Women need to toughen up, rather than being such spoiled, whiney little babies.

the beans Art & Music

By the way, I commented just before you said that your viewers are intelligent and amazing. Thanks for complimenting me before you got to know me.

Geraldine Mckernan

Amen I fricking love you ?

Jen Delaney

Your advice is so good, I am learning to see things in a whole different light. Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge it's very much appreciated ?

Jasmin Willis

Wow, what a phenomenal response! You’re so well spoken and the way you articulate and just break things down make it completely impossible to not interrupt everything you’re saying. Thank you kindly for this video ♥️

Hanna Getnet


Raeesa Camar

With an attitude of gratitude...Amazing...what is rejuvenated so happy hearing it...stay blessed gurl...all your far...i m in awe of your study...the best so far...your style of delivery the bestest...

Yoona Oh

Needed this today so much.. Thank you and love you Susan.

Daniel Somers

That is such good advice... Definitely hits home after a recent breakup ?!


But he used to love me..and I loved him...but he seems to reject me because his is stubborn

Jessica P

Best video ever in helping me to move forward from rejection. Thank you ?

Ji Kimchi

Thank you. This gave me great relief and brought me back. ❤

Cristina Espinal

You are really helping me. Thank you ! I appreciate you!

IM channel

How does one accept the fact that someone doesn’t want to be with me . I can’t take someone rejecting me and I am obsessed with a woman I can’t let go of from 2 years ago


I was abruptly broken up with after 10 years. Your videos are helping me to live again. Thank you

Nina Curran

Thank you so much for your talks they always leave me smiling and feeling uplifted x

J’s Journeys

Great advice. This message got me going today. Thank you Susan!

Taylor Mallory


Pina Clemente

Hi Susan
I have a question seeing someone for 7 month we are on and off again he’s want kids I’m to old kids ...we are not in commit relationship but I have feeling for him

I want a commitment this but at the same time I need let go he’s clearly told me what he wants I can’t I need let go ? I know what u should do not be available unless he commits

I know I can meet other but can’t let go I’m well presented I’m good looking I deserve better he never takes me out buy me anything I so giving

move in to what I want hard to he’s doesanr spoil me take me out allow this because of my past relationships

I really want attract someone like me business orientated generous like to go out balance life not needy but my problem is I choose men opposite me easier I need to change my pattern get out off my comfort zone

I want a life partner to travel enjoy life

Dancepiration ssen

U explain things so beutifully..thankyou so much

Jock Marais ASMR

Thank you for sharing your story about your gay friend. I’m gay and just got rejected and this helps. I’ve been spending lots of time alone and it can be uncomfortable because I thrive on social interaction, but I believe my life is automatically more void of too much social time right now for a reason- I really need to go inward right now.

Edith Garibay

Thank you. Clear yet heartwarming advice.

Harold Guerrero

Do the above and my questions is been asked thanks susan.

Disha Thakur

I need to look for someone meaningful seeing my worth.

Rachael Louise

I'm so glad I found your channel, you're helping me so much. Thank you x

Jackie Warfield

Great video thank you for sharing your wisdom

Jason Ball

Wonderful advice..!


But my pond SUCKS, I keep going to the same murky swamp under a new name and can smell the fresh thriving river nearby, HALLPP!


Great advice....been there, tried this. It really works.
Thank you for all your good advice.

Saif Alfalasi

Susan, you are a breath of fresh air and inspiration. You always find a way to make it easy for us to understand these tools and for that I am so incredibly grateful. You’re a star!!! ?

Gabriela Loayza

"And they're hot and who cares" :D :D :D


Thank you Susan ??

Joe surfer

This is a really good video.

srinivasa sarma

Thank you so much for this video.

Barbara Lemarier

Amazing message.. thank you


You're really amazing in pointing the core of a problem. How can you do this in about 10 minutes?? While I can lie awake for nights, weeks, mounths, without seeing a single star...
Which planet are you from, I wonder???
Thank you so much.


That's so Great. Thank you, you are saving lives

Larissa Gonzales

I literally write in my profile I am looking for the real deal and still end up with people who don't want any commitment whatsoever. I feel like I'll be single forever!

123 456

May I ask what's the brand of the watch that you were wearing in the video?

Kiran ch


Aleksandra Savic

Thank God you exist Susan!

Benedicta Alfonso

I need you know I come to me

Malika Kika

Thank you for your videos. Love from Algeria.

Ruben,Jr. Pagaduan

It's true what you said

P. Rabbitt

Spot on! Don't sweat the people that can't play on your level.

butterfly brains

I moved on years ago because all I got from him was rejection. Never anything kind or encouraging. He however apparently felt I was his property without my consent or knowledge. Why? Good question. Why would anyone draw someone in only to humiliate them? NPD. I have no solid info but what he did in secret capsized my life. Would he want to come in to repair it? Who knows?

Disha Thakur

Thankyou Susan. I understood. I want lifelong partnership and I was with someone wanting short term. It's good to be rejected then leading on.


Thank you! I really needed to hear this.

Mahatmas Gandhi

i don't feel rejected in the least. he's still angry because i rejected him years ago and i didn't do that as a means of rejection but he did what he did to cause me to reject him. i never pick up street bombs but i do sometimes stop to give them a few bucks

Canay C.

Everybody is doing their best from the level of their own consciousness.

Sandi Small

Susan, you are a very sincere advisor and a lovely person. I agree with you. I used to have such low self worth and therefore allowed men to treat me badly. But now have self worth. If he does't want me, like me, that his view, and there is nothing wrong with me. I do believe attracting the right men and good attitudes, is about self worth.
I'm in England, UK. Thanks for reaching out.

Linus Paul

Thank you so much Susan! You just completely changed my mentality

the beans Art & Music

Um, you referenced Tinder as a dating app? Um, sorry, no, it is for hookups. Even the ones who claim they want a relationship on that app are only looking to hook up for sex.

Here ya go, just look at rejection as a GOOD thing. Hey, at least the person who rejected you won't destroy your life for being good to them. I am grateful for rejection. You should be too.

There is no such thing as love. There is only attraction coupled with the ability to provide resources. I would advise people to forget about dating altogether. There are bigger fish to fry anway, such as, mandatory vaccines and the fact "they" keep taking more freedoms from us. Maybe we should nip that in the butt before we worry about dating, sex, or what we foolishly call, "love"?

Joy Bartlett

I see now that when he said "but you don't KNOW me", I should have opened the door and said "And I don't think I want to. Goodbye".... I was looking at what WAS there with us and he was looking at what WASN'T.

Casper Insight

rejection is their issue
not yours



Annette Elliott

I've known rejection from the age of four to the ripe old age of 75.......the hurt never goes away but you learn to live with it.

Benedicta Alfonso

Come now I take you for good come and talk to me

Yacov Mitchenko

By the way, this practice of quickly turning one's attention elsewhere with a swipe of the mouse can be cancerous too. Easy solutions, technological advancements can relegate a beautiful person to the flavor of the month, the latest fashion or trend. I find this repulsive. It does untold damage to possible relationships, to the psyche itself. It's not inconceivable that one's capacity to love may be damaged through recourse to all these easy options. Consider a parallel phenomenon: the vulgarized notion of friendship as introduced by, and strengthened through, Facebook. I may be overstating the case, by my sense is that the psyche itself is being hollowed out by the Facebook use. These quick and easy, detached forms of intercourse are eroding patience (necessary for intimate bonding); fantasy and shallowness are replacing true connections. Just think about the effects of sensory overload. Do they invite the possibility of love?

Homeworld Music

This is SO good, Susan. Thank you!

Dominique Devereux

I'm like your friend. Whenever I've been hurt badly and repeatedly, I have to remove myself from all dating apps and just go into myself --- my cocoon, if you will --- and regroup before I "come out" again. But after this last let down, I'm not coming out of my cocoon. I've decided I'm gonna be my own best friend/boyfriend and just embark on an exclusive relationship with myself for the rest of my life. I have no trust or faith in men left. There comes a point where you've been torn down so much, to where the damage has reached the "foundation" of your emotional "house," that there is nothing left to rebuild from. I have neither the energy, nor the desire to put myself out there anymore. Here's to my marriage with me!!

Janie Miller

This is awesome ? info
Brings great clarity
Thank you ?


It’s because I’m ugly. I just don’t do love anymore just sex and no attachments I’m fine with it by now


Thank you for the amazing professional advice ??

Star Catcher

Great advice for any rejection


Thank you. This video explains so much. It’s helped me find myself

marianne barlow

This is amazing advice. Worth watching again and again! So therapeutic, valuable, practical and helpful. Thank you!

Jacqui Collins

I dated him when I was young and slimline but two kids later I'm not so much now long distance relationship and it was a soul destroying experience. I never filtered my pictures or lied about my flabby body, but I flew over and it was the most awful experience ever.....he was no oil painting either but I can't move on from the experience.... And so want to

Crystal Dating Coach

Give your love ONLY to someone who loves themselves. If their can they make you happy??


It's definitley because I am unattractive and undesirable. I can't blame anyone but myself though.


I was in floods of tears up until 7 minutes ago when I accidentally stumbled across this video and heard my name, it was as though this message was for me and I truly needed to hear it. Thank you so much.
From Lola (not the same Lola who wrote in)

Ina Ric

Love your advice

L Taurus

U think it has to do with my age and or looks

Lakeisha Galloway

I'm glad I found your chanel. Very helpful information life changing. I like you and your very pretty, classy. And you are jazzy with a little touch of swagger. You can appeal to a wide range age group. I'm sharing your chanel. ???????

Chris Daley

Outstanding. I feel really comfortable about me. The other not ready or confused, conflicted as you say.

yasmine farhat


Disha Thakur

I chose wrong person! Commitment phobic who rejected after even having great times!

Miss B

This video is literally GOLD. Wow. Thank you SO much!

Kim Turner

Susan you are incredible ?


Dumped by text, finding out she monkey branched. Destroyed me... One month of no contact now and a friend told me she saw them at the supermarket she and I always shopped at.

Francesca Romana Garroni


IloveJC love

Thank you Susan?

Rotem A

Min 4:33 -5:15 just blew my mind. Thank you for you life changing, smart, deep loving words. You did my day ❤️??❤️??❤️

Susan McGee Dean

I was wooed about 6 years ago by a man who told me he loved me 3 or more times a day basically by text, phone and in person , he was married and said no promises or guarantees. I didnt want to fall , told myself not to but overwhelmed by him. He was so different . He then divorced , told me he seeing someone and left me. Within a couple of months came back with Dont give up hope. Of course I was pleased and thought Wow this might actually work. I believe he tried , but he didnt seem the same any more. Slowly he drifted away emotionally and said he didnt want to be with me any more . I know I am a good person with alot to offer and still the pain lingers.. So what now ?


Wow! Spot on!

Ts Mar

Thank you for your words Susan ❤️


Omg that comment is what I needed to hear - I so needed to watch this video right now thank you so much Susan for helping me feel better at such a difficult time in my life ... hope you do more videos on self love and self worth ...

Anu Madaan

It's hard to heal a hurt ego than to heal a broken heart ❤️.

Rosetta Stone

Great question, and great response! "What is the pool in which you're fishing?" Reminds of a quote by anonymous (usually attributed to Einstein, but unsure if he said it) "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid."
Also, one thing that helped me (that may help others) is that I reflected how I define myself in my "personal life" (poor self-esteem) as opposed to how I present/define myself in my professional capacity. I would NEVER interview based on my "internal self-esteem"; I always put my best skills, knowledge and positive attributes forward. I'm transitioning that attitude towards how I relate to men, and it's helping me break old patterns. I'm attracting new types of men, that are more like what I'm looking for! :-)

Or, to hearken back to a classic, The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran,
“You have been told that, even like a chain, you are as weak as your weakest link.
This is but half the truth.
You are also as strong as your strongest link.
To measure you by your smallest deed is to reckon the power of the ocean
by the frailty of its foam.
To judge you by your failures is to cast blame upon the seasons for their inconstancy.”

callie briggs

Nailed it on the head a beautiful guy who loves everyone and yet women say just friends from 5 to 30 yrs old strange huh believe it


It's a great point about our culture @3:33. That's extremely unhealthy for anyone doing that.


“The partner that we meet is only capable of expressing love and connecting to the level of their own depth” so sad when the person needed so much love that the didn’t believe they deserved. But refreshing to realise your heart should be saved for someone who can fully reciprocate the love you have

Dennis Nowland

Don't look for validation from someone else unless that someone else is worthy of validating you.

HE GOT TURNED DOWN. But THIS is how you handle rejection. 10/10

HE GOT TURNED DOWN. But THIS is how you handle rejection. 10/1014 Oct. 2020
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Comments (100)
le yio

Yeah he looks good he take showers and shit xD

Zach Whaley

Over her head by several feet!


She looked like Sid from Ice Age, somebody clearly pumped her head up


So the word sex gets blocked out but nigga is cool to pass through the censor?

Mike Brown

Kylo Ren goes dating

Brian Egona

5:14 he may not look like a chad but he lives like a chad???


In my humblest of opinions, both of you are good looking dudes...however I will say what makes you good looking dudes has less to do with appearance and way more to do with attitude, personality and sense of humour. If I were to say who is more attractive I would say Aba. This is based purely on personal opinion. You guys are both wonderful ☺️

Jay mac

I like chads shirt

Zach Costello

Oh no I felt it

Avver DK Mikji FD

I love ythe use of “Brev”

Fortune Adegoke

Preach is hella attractive

J Hart

Chad is awesome. He deserves someone that isn't a basic bitch.

Rnb Rockstar

Chad is the real chad


9:20 big facts!

Javier Sds

I really hope Chad watches this video.

Ashley Alexander

He didn’t take rejection well. He was a complete ass because she didn’t like him.

baba bamooo

Hate this kind of woman.


This dude is hilarious hahahaa. deceased


She came out losing on what seems a great guy...
He doesnt need her, he is way more interesing than she is not to mention just from this video many women wi be out looking for him ?

Fahad Ayoub

Is it just me or does, I'm guessing his name is preach, look like a white guy in black face? Nothing to do with accent, I just paused the video and I'm looking at the color of his face, it doesn't look right. Aba's black though for sure

Pia Vanderclausen

The guys is cute af and makes good jokes ... this girl is basic

I Am Speed

True love is being willing to risk rejection. Not risking it is a personality level in the negatives


ahahahahahahah anyone else think hes more attractive than her


Who's more attractive? The guy. And this is a straight guy's opinion!


1:37 "To this". Jackie Welles can explain to you why that is a terrible way to toast. She must be a Corpo.

Andi Saputro

I think Chad is far more attractive than that girl I don't even bother to remember her name. But then that's just probably because I'm gay. No homo.

tactical droid

She rejected him and she still got the L
does not compute

Aba & Preach

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Kat Flanagan

Omg she has no personality and he's amazing, he fine

Karma's Coming

Isnt grindr a gay app?


4/10: the girl.


Some solid life advice with that "learn to take a no" right there.

Seth Yeates

Was that some shine?

Adrienne Cottrell

I like the two of you!
I think your both funny, like the show
I think you should get a show, funny stuff
His Bless

Firewater Forge of Arizona

You guys are really fun to watch

Lavonne Alexander

She should just be herself, because acting hot ? can get boring sometimes. Lmao ? I knew a girl like this and trust me they will tell you , that your boring , when literally they are. Smh ??

Jesus Velociraptor

He was waiting for her to laugh at his Grindr joke...then she asked if it's like Tinder...???

Te Ne'tra Mand'alor

6:24 Freak’n love this guy! I’m dying over here ??

Hector Garza

what is chad’s twitter that man earned a follow lol


Preach: Chad if your listening to this
Also Preach: putting a thumbs up for Chad who’s listening

Me: he can’t hear that??

Lekker Prûven

She wanted him to take off his shirt. Looks like nobody got the hint....

Ibrahim Hassan

Real talk

Julian Seider

This dude didn’t lose nothin


Why is chad on grinding when he is seeking a woman?? ???

Marlin Green

Both of you look good!!


She obviously didn't realize how tall he was.

Xave Grimm

This Chad looks like Linguini from Ratatouille but the voice of Napoleon dynamite.

Jitsu man

That woman had no clue what was going on ? right over her empty head

Smokey Branches

what was that outro song ?


"Grindr is my favourite."
"Is it like TInder?"
"....Yea, it's like that."

Ascended Lurker

I would have had so much fun talking to him. I would have been totally bs the whole time. he has awesome eye contact. not my type at all but love his eye contact. once he made that horsey sound I would’ve said oh my god me too and mimicked him and made it even worse. ??? I would have said I had a kink for clown porn also. Does it exist? No idea but it would for that conversation.

Domi Rican

She was borrrringgg ?... Chad is dope.

djef ardeur

Handled in a good way

Jesus Velociraptor

He can dunk and still not tall enough. What she needs to satisfy her is goddamn Joel Embiid.

Lol you don’t know my skin color

Chad is the original Chad.

angel2kgoat -

He saying fax bro shi i remember my.ugly ass in freshman i was like 200 pound and shi but now that i changed and shi all those girl that didint like me like me now but i coulf care less about them ?

2thomas k

Y parents always told me never burn a bridge because you may need to cross it one day

Ya Da Plays Badminton

Chad looks like the bloke from ratatouille mixed with Luke Rockhold.

DEAN 5897

Feel it? Booooooooy u need mints???

Joe Black

Chad da man ?


I came for the comedy and stayed for the motivational rejection ted talk?

Trey Jones

Chad is a chad

Donovan Dunlap

This is some 5 star advice Aba & Preach.


This is pretty standard, the guy has to carry the whole thing then later she'll say he's boring with noting to talk about lol

Chris Davis

Y'all do realize Grinder is an app for Gay Men Right?


I love Chad!

Max Bacolod

I wish this video existed years ago. I would've learned from this, and might have been a person that I am not today.

Great video, btw.


+10 years and 3 kids and that girl is gonna get the stunning realization she's not the hot skinny 25 year old with tons of friends anymore, and at 35 is going to have to realize she needs to learn how to be a person.


She took it literally each time instead of playing along with the jokes. It doesn’t have to be clever or anything, but try at least.

creedence littlepine

A horse nay. I can't. Lol.

eman tha gothfather


Haddock Ehrman

my first girlfriend said no, i reacted like nothing happened and smiled at her, two weeks later we were going out ;)

The Indelible Nips

I love when there speaking the truth and they sync up


She was hella stupid... and boring... and stiff.... homie was dunking on her and she didn't realize it.. She was a coward too, instead of saying what feature she really didn't like, she chose his shirt..Instead of kissing the stranger she likely wouldn't see again, she chose not to. In an atmosphere where she's supposed to be looking... LOL...Best thing about her was that even though she didn't get the jokes, she smiled and giggled like she did anyway wit her frontin' ass.

Umut helvacı

aba is definitely Somali

Montgomery Hifi and Review

Wait. Chad is gay and just didn't give AF from the beginning. He was not into her from the get go


This girl needs a man to teach her about life, if she continues down this road when her looks fade its over.

James Zezulinski

Chad’s style reminds me of John Krasinski on the office. Well played!!


Chads personality made her like him by the end, promise you


Chad was rejected but didn't loose.

Christian Bunke

I got the impression she thought he was actually still trying to win her over once he knew he had no shot. It's okay that she didn't feel attracted to him physically, I'm gonna guess she goes out with guys who go to the gym a certain amount of time each week, and that is her right to have that preference. She's not a bad person and I'm sure if it is a guy that match what she likes and share the kind of interest she has, it would be a good relationship. And I hope that while many of the comments here and the ones on the original video is "he dogded a bullet" or "she's the kind of girl that expects guys to put in all the work to make her interestered, but not do anything except use her looks". While I get the gut instinct to say it, that is the type of things certain groups of women point to that makes it more difficult for us to move past certain problems we are clearly currently having when talking about relations between the sexes lately. The incel guys also don't help, since they might point out a real issue but the rest of what they are saying ruins the chance of it getting fixed.

Just to get it out of the way I'm not playing a white knight, I'm not gonna pretend that she's not a pretty woman, but I have very spesific standards when it comes to personality since while a pretty face is an obvious hook, that part of instant interest fades quickly if your not jellying with that person.

What I hope instead is that guys can look at this video and think "If I behave like everything is going to be okay regardless out the outcome, then even if no one else sees it, I myself will know that I let myself be vunerable without shame or feeling bad" and they can then hold their head high in confidence that just because something didn't work out doesn't make either a bad person.

While I hope women will look at this video and recognize he clearly senses that he doesn't have a shot. He decides he's no longer going to try and win her over, but instead of having to make it awkard or get all flustered he decides let's just make this into the most fun experience that we can have given the situation we are in right now.

I actually think it would have been more interesting if he had the last card. I don't think she would have kissed him, but by the end I couldn't help but get the impression that she wasn't sold on him, but kinda hoped becasue of his personality that he just was more of her type physically. She probably would have wanted to go out on a not serious but proper date just to see if there was something there.

Also it's just good manners to put a choice like that for a woman to decide rather than a man. I mean, he knew that he had no shot with her and that they probably wouldn't have been compatible, but you offer us a kiss from an attractive woman, we can easily seperate and decide to just enjoy such a moment rather than thinking about it not going to last. Also the question sets him up for failure, by daring to have him kiss her via proxy from their questions rather than them making up the questions and dare's themselves. He would look like a complete creep if he had tried to follow through with it.

Ana Rosario

He's tall, cute and funny as fuck!! She definitely took a L

Justus Gash

This is what we call. The Full Chad Energy

Paradox Cosmo

This is going to be me because I’m short, not that cute, anddddddddddd I’m insecure.

Curtis Shores

Girl: how tall are you.

Guy: how fat are you.

parker heaton

8:48 this is random but I have jars just like that, that I drink out of all day

The veggster Good day

Jeez he really had to pull a conversation out of her And it stil didn't really works,she is bad at communication.

James Conway

Ever seriously makes me think of my identical twin brother. I'll try to say something honest, and mean it in a good way. And he'll instantly get hurt beyond the point of no return. I guess that just makes me the evil twin. Because in my head I'm not trying to be mean at all just genuine. Sometimes the truth hurts I guess.


I don't know dudes, I understand why many would find her attractive, and I think that too, but she low-key freaks me out. She has Attack on Titan teeth-smile if you know what I mean, if you don't google ''AoT smile'' lol

Kyla Doherty

The video is just Chad single-handedly carrying the conversation

angel2kgoat -

Bro she really sayed taller my mans is 6,3 like tf does she wsnt an nba player or some and i would never date this girl i would of had the same reaction as him no lie

Satine S

They are def not a good match, she doesn't get his sense of humor.

Brandon Jones

Chad is the man!!!!!!!

Mike Brennan

I wanna be friends wit chad

Jesus Velociraptor

He took the L easily cus is wasn't much of an L too him lol he was only mildly interested in her a few minutes in, prob only cus she was still pretty ?

Will West

Good shit...???

Wombat Eyebrows

I felt it! And also I love that you guys said that stuff at 02:30 ... that's super adorable.


His trolling skills are impeccable ?

Robert R

Anyone else go to the comments at the end of the video to see if chad posted?


I’m actually upset i’m just now discovering y’all’s channel. I’ve watched three videos so far and I love the energy from you too. Keep Grinding ????