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Web Exclusive Interview: 5 "Ex-Gay" Survivors Share their Stories | Our America with Lisa Ling | OWN

Web Exclusive Interview: 5 "Ex-Gay" Survivors Share their Stories | Our America with Lisa Ling | OWN21 Jun. 2013
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Just weeks before Exodus

Just weeks before Exodus International announced that they are closing their organization for good, a group of survivors of ex-gay "reparative therapy" confronted Alan Chambers, the leader of Exodus, to tell him their stories of secrecy, guilt, and liberation. From former pastors who reveal the trauma of losing their jobs, to people's broken marriages and suicidal thoughts, watch highlights from their deeply personal conversation that didn't make it into the episode. For more on #Our America with Lisa Ling, visit Oprah.com.

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Web Exclusive Interview: 5 "Ex-Gay" Survivors Share their Stories | Our America with Lisa Ling | OWN

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Comments (54)
Matt Valente

I'm obsessed with James, does anyone know if he has insta?

Michael michaelfordloverman

I hate religion I dont even believe in god because I dont believe in a god that hates me for being gay

100anti

Seek n you will find if u really want to know. God Bless you All

100anti

Mans therapies are doomed in its self because we are all sinners. Rollercoaster of emotions.

James Bon

Why are they called ex-gay survivors? They gave up. As simple as that. If they did not approve of the support group they were at, choose another one.

Mel

God loves us but hates sins I can’t accept what God won’t accept and it’s clear that same gender is a sin I won’t go against Gods word but as a person we must LOVE EACH OTHER but HATE SIN not just same gender attraction,hatred,any kind of addiction, lies,murder... we need to STOP trying to change God... and to accept the change we need (everyone) including myself need change ... with Gods help Allllll is possible ... don’t feel that death is a way out Don’t Stop Praying Call On To God Alone Give It All To Him He’ll Make You The Treasure You Don’t See In Yourself...

Jesse Baker

Ja. The poor pastor pulled into his snail shell and went still at the blast of the anti-gay Trumpets to his right. I know very few gay men, but hope we can pray them to an altar where the Lamb of God can nuzzle them at my church.

tre artis

This is so powerful

K K

God does Not change ....if God can make ALL that we see He can certainly help anykind of people ?????

r. gardner

The church doesn't single gay people out as sinners. The doctrine says all are sinners...

100anti

Look to the Bible it is the most reliable book on Earth. Live by Facts n Truth. It will totally set your soul free.

Utah Church Planting

I use to be bisexual, and my friend was lesbian. If anyone doesnt want to be gay anymore we are here to help. Freedom is from God, pointless therapy is from man.

Patricia Ducksworth

Ask GOD to accept and don't be concern about what others think, it GOD''s
law, not man.

Michelle D.

it is a sin, according to the bible...and Christians also preach hate the sin but love the sinner...and judge not, lest ye be judged.
they will have to answer for their sin but thats not for me to judge. i will have to answer for mine.

Larry Banks

Wow

augusto luimbo

people aren't born gay!

GorillaPHX

I don't even know what to say. All I feel towards Alan Chambers is rage. Rage that his dime was earned on the torture of gay men and women. Rage that his children were fed, raised, and educated on his earnings as a man who brought shame to gay men a women. Rage that he afforded a lifestyle being a man who caused gay men and women anguish. So Mr. Chambers I do not accept your apology. You want forgiveness? Sell everything you own, and donate to gay organizations, and maybe that will be a start.

H.I.M

I just can't believe the ignorance and the bias?

Looney Tunes

I’m gay, and was raised in Christianity. I can’t say that the guy at the end of this clip has a right to tell a Christian that they need to stop saying homosexuality is wrong. I believe the quote was “you say homosexuality is wrong and this needs to stop”...the Christian Bible is clear that the God of Christianity states that homosexuality is a sin. You can NOT tell a God what to change in his beliefs, according to your desires. In any other program, yes..but in the Christian religion, that’s ridiculous..how about questioning the Christian religion instead of fighting with them, explore different religions..or no religion at all. To me, religions are all about “help me, I want to live forever” anyway, I see nothing wrong with just dying, turning to dirt and ceasing to exist at this point..

Tran Tran

The sinner here is the religion that toxics the beautiful souls minds of human beings! Shame on religion shame on god!

LETMEINGUYS

Girl I dont know what its like yo come out because ive never been in but this is torturing to see this happened. I remember seeing exodus signs all over Houston.

Tracy T

Anyone that struggles with any temptation or sin can't overcome by suppression.
It just pushes it back and will return later.
What they don't tell you is to GO to God and fellow Christians and confess and pray.
The other problem I see with this issue is the exgay = straight equation.
I'm familiar with this because I went through it 30 yrs ago.
It seriously messed my mind up! I stuffed and suppressed my emotions (which at the time I didn't know was a bad thing to do). Plus I had no clue being same sex attracted was Soooo much more than just the sex. For me it was also into my emotions. Women had always comforted me where as men never did. At one point I had gone back to my mother for comfort like I did as a child. I had no clue this was a problem for me.
Before straight people get all hauty...this happens to them also. A woman for instance might become emotionally dependent on her husband and be codependent.

Roy Chefets

The people involved with Exodus International should be taken out and shot. No judge or jury. They have ruined many lives. Stupid, evil people.

Superbigblue19

So it was Chambers fault that these people where baring false witness. Typical. Gays are so militant for acceptance because they know they are damaged goods. Sorry but life ain't fair. You play the hand you are dealt. You don't lash out at others because they don't want to accept your deviancy as normal. religion aside, man and women? normal. Anything else? not. A very simple concept and law of nature.

Matt Hardy

Three partners died of AIDS? Yikes.

Cesar Barona

I need to watch this whole episode

MattieCooper

Conversion therapy is an abusive Lying tyrannical Evil.

Alia E

this hurt my heart, actually ...

dadevi

The religious trolls on this page are ridiculous. No one is listening to you. I would rather kill myself than go back in the closet. It's funny that Christians spend more time gay-bashing than loving them like the Bible told them to do. And when was the last time any of you read the Bible? I guess all of you believe in slavery because Jesus co-signed that too.

ThisbeandPyramus

Religion. Poisons. Everything.

Christian Coach

Watching this helped me grow spiritually.

Juanita Colette

They all still have that "gay accent".

UNJUSTIFICATION1

Stop being gay. This is a test from God almighty to control yourself. Educate ur self and stop the gay appeasement .

Falesian23

What is the issue here honestly?! God has given everyone free will.This is the distinguishable difference between mankind and the rest of God’s creation!!! On the earth, you can compromise whatever you want between man, whether they be christian or not.Simply because of the fact that none of us is perfect.(Romans 3;10-12).We hide behind the flag of appeasement in order to make life on earth comfortable for as long as we can live! But was it worth it in the end!?At this day and age!it is clear what the Bible says about all sins(1 Corinth 6;9-10) and not to single out a particular sin but instead highlighting all of them because the results is still the same. Why are we trying to justify our sins knowing what the Word of God has already said.Really what is being in denial?Your weakness to sin or your contempt for the Bible that condemns it(the sin not the sinner). We can either accept His Word or not but please don’t try to justify your sins to God because when you JUSTIFY you are really dangerously trying to MODIFY God’s Word! (2 Tim 3;16-17) says every word in the Bible has been dictated by God.Meaning everything that is written is whats meant to be.All that is written cannot be unwritten.(Matt 5;18).
So unless you are unwilling to relinquish your desire to sin stop trying to change God’s Word to suit your desired lifestyle and live your life (if nobody stopping you,God won’t stop you either)but if you desire your salvation a little more than your life then are you willing to trust God to help you?Are you prepared to make sacrifices?! THEN BE REAL TO YOURSELF FIRST IN WHICH WAY YOU WILL GO AND STOP HATING ON THOSE WHO DECIDE TO DO THE HARD YARDS WITH THE LORD!

Fredo Martinez

I always say that if that is not your battle please don't comment negative thinks, because it is a struggle that I have been fighting all my life, I believe in God and I am pretty sure that God will do something big to help us as gay people, it is no fair criticise people when you have no idea how hard is to be gay. and the solution is not to push and obligate people to accept you, its to love each other how Jesus did.

hey! dude!

how to tell oprah winfrey is behind something, its slithery and slimy and promotes satans purposes, welcome to this video, and just look at lisa ling, relishing in the footage she can take back to her satanic paymasters, so let me tell you both straight, you BOTH WILL stand before God and you will be judged accordingly for the part you willingly played in contributing to the dismantling of society, and your judgment will be well-deserved

Caitlyn Murphy

they are all still gay.....

Joseph DUPLAGA

Listen it says in the Bible homosexuality is forbidden you can do what you want to do and feel how you want to feel but in the end unfortunately it's your soul. And for some reason the people tell you that they're hating on you I don't understand that.

H.I.M

If you want to change yourself in anyway, let nobody say to you "that's just who you are" and "you can't change that" because that's like saying if your a mean/abusive person you can't change that either. You can change any and everything about yourself. You just have to want to.

CeeCee CeeCee

There are so many other sins why focus on this one????

Curtis Franks

Religion is such a mindfuck.

MFC1791

Exodus International = Satanism at its finest

Michael Hart

I would love to date Brad

Ivan gomes de assis

Let’s change the Bible so that it may confirm homossexuals as acceptable by God???

Danny L. Terry

THIS WAS SO MOVING!
MUCH LOVE*

Debi

We all have our faults and temptations.. We are taught to learn to live with a battle to keep our trust and Faith in God.. as well as to be as Happy /Sane as possible within ourselves. We do not have permission to live a life of sin.. But pray that the tempation leaves you..Celibacy

Yngrid Mendez

It is all about a decision we humans make in our inner being. Do I believe God or do I believe my feelings. Some people feel they are in love with one of their children. An uncle of mine was in love with his daughter and actually had sexual relations with her most of her life I am pretty sure he was convinced he loved her....love.....hummm. Does the feeling make it all right???
May God bless you and keep you.

MrWells3000

Repeat after me: There. Is. No. God.

100anti

I'm a female that has same sex fantasies. However, because I know the bible is the most unique book in All of history. I've learned about love, god, purpose , origin, n decided to fight that feeling n not go down that route. I think because I've had bad experiences growing up, it will not define me. I am most happy n fulfilled.

H.I.M

As a Christian I believe that if you want "pray the gay away" you should. Those people who say "you were born like that, you'll always be gay" your wrong. ANY and EVERYBODY can change who they are, they just have to want to. And through prayer you can liberate yourself(if you want to) and God will do it. And if God can't do it it can't be done and God can do it. I guess if your a serial killer "you were just born that way" & "you can't change it" either right? WRONG. People can change everything about themselves they just have to want to.

A J RM VID

Pastors being gay this is ridiculous

Elizabeth Perez Olivieri

I was raised in a Religious Sect and I did everything I was told to change but I never changed. Today I'm myself. I'm gay and I never been more happy. ?❤

e b

I started crying when he said; "I was changing Gary's diapers, I was holding his hand when he was shaking in pain.....I don't know what real love is???"

emma duncan

the religious right claimed for years, that homosexuality was caused by "bad parenting," and then their poster girl, Phyllis Shafly's son, turned out gay, as did Tim and Beverley La Haye's son, thats when they hit upon the fantasy that "gay's recruit!" the complex nature of sexuality, seems to baffle them, to no end.

Acting Gay | Gay Men | One Word | Cut

Acting Gay | Gay Men | One Word | Cut23 Jul. 2015
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About this video:

We invited 30 gay men to respond to "acting gay." These are their responses.

Talent:

1. Benjamin

2. Austino

3. Niveo

4. Luke

5. Cody

6. Taylor

7. Joey

8. Ray

9. Mickey

10. Scott

11. Alex

12. Kyle B.

13. Mitch

14. Drew

15. Michael

16. Nathan

17. Garland

18. Alan

19. Anthony

20. Jon

21. Kyle J.

22. Max

23. Bertram

24. Derek

25. David

26. Egan

27. Mick

28. Raven

29. John

30. Andrew

Crew

Scott Calvert - Audio/PA

Shaun Libman - Video Editor

Music:

Enjoy the Calm by Drew Barefoot

marmosetmusic.com

Acting Gay | Gay Men | One Word | Cut

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4jfiqiIy0A

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Comments (100)
Quentin M. Williams

Gay simply means a man is attracted to a man. I hate this stereotypical representation of a gay man. You do not have to "act" a certain way to be gay.

Faisal adnan shwarid

hey guys i finally want to come out to everyone... I'm gay! finally, i can say it! i really dont know how to say this to my friends but this is the first step that im taking if anyone would want to just talk.. let me know.. much love... the lil freak :3

TheSoloAsylum

Who teaches people to "talk gay" because they didn't talk like that before they came out. That shit is all an act, because they can still talk in their normal voice.

zerozeeros

There is most definitely a gay act. The flamboyance and the feminine voice is the act. Some of these guys get it.

Kevin McCall

Gay

anonymous skullzz

Yeah I am the straightest 'acting' kid in my school but I am gay so suck it stereotypes

Teddy Ferguson

If you have love in your heart ... who cares ? Rona doesn't care either ! Just be>> yo- self ! You're all beautiful

Vinny Boombox

Where do you get the euros to buy gay gifts?

Phohan -

Gay voice for example?

why ?

Someone says your acting gay, my friends are just like oh your straight, eww. Cuz deep down they care just as much as you do about what people say

Plautus egal

2:08 no need to say more

FaZe Ry Guy

I mean they just sound gay

Minecraft god

Theirs a girl sleepover in a month that's why im here

Sorry imnotawoman

Here in my country, Philippines. Some gay men are flamboyant and soft. It doesn't mean that if you're flamboyant, you're 'acting gay' we just want to be ourselves and no one can break with us. We shine and be bold.



Being flamboyant here is normal❤️

p1epoppa

It starts with praising little boys too much. Woman baby their little boys and praise them for every little thing. Boys need to be able to deal with anger, frustration, joy, fear, embarrassment or being teased (especially) and other strong emotions. A man's style of reassurance goes better than a woman's in this case. Women if your son's father left, don't be afraid to let your son interact with other heterosexual men. Young boys need that balance early. I see too many mother's who shelter and shadow their son's and then when they see the bottom about to fall out they want to reach out but don't know how. By then its too late.

Max Wheatley

Sassy

Alann

' I don't think anyone can act gay uh umm... GOSH '

Treemaster

Lol I don’t care what people say or who’s opinions I hear about this , I respect everyone for who they are, but you can call a masculine gay or a straight acting gay but I’m a guy and I’ve always known I was I just act like a dude not on purpose but because I just do and I like Men and I’m proud of that that’s all I can say.

So Cal Astarte

So if any straight dude spoke with anyone of these dudes, it'd be pretty obvious minus maybe 1 or 2 of them. But if you randomly acquire a "lisp" in your 20's, you're "acting" gay. But ultimately, who cares? You do you.

BigDicNick

if your gay you cant act gay

Zakira

2:58
”Acting Gay”
Man: “Yes!”

Me: “YESSSS!”

thegreatcomposer

The guy at 0:45 - 0:49 is quite attractive.

Random Chanel 13

Shit dick

Gunslinger I Lv

I'm a lesbian female trapped in man's body

Epic Memetime

Boys, It's okay to be flamboyant. But for the love of all things holy if someone is not interested then just leave. Don't egg them on.

latenightlogic

You can tell everyone of them is gay because of what I call the gay accent. What that means is they’ve all got a feminine quality in their voice.

Adam

Why do some people hate gays? We’re all people and should respect each other for the way we are. ?

Oh No

Gays are acting gay explaining why acting gay is not a thing ...lmao

Sam Meni

I loved this video because I see a lot of people like me in it. I wish I could have seen it while growing up.

Alann

0:27 he looks so much like the guy in the parade at the end of Prayers for Bobby idk I find him alike

brxwneyedwxman _

1:06 hi yeah can i be your best friend

Sean Fatzinger

But.... most of these guys you can tell they are gay because of the way they act. Why are they embarressed to acknowledge that?

Creative Username :3

everyone here is dumb and wrong because clearly all gae men weare pink dresses and makeup and love fashion >:((

Carl Azuz

A lot of gay people have a lot of the same personality traits that’s why “acting gay” is a thing?It makes sense

Projektant Pszemek

2:38
THE LIPS

Saud Alsanad

I Cried.

RunSwanson

They are all acting super gay

East Side Doom

I don't understand why liking men makes it okay for gay people to just be flamboyant and dramatic.

hello peoples

It's the exaggerated s sounds that gets me.

U3U

They said be who you are but there not really are they just change who they really are just to pretend who they really are

Bertram Pole

“You can’t act gay”

Me and the boy: Are you sure about that?

Olympus Mike

Those are 2 words tho

Phirahqua Infinaty

I find fem guys amusing and entertaining but not not sexually attractive

Queen lioness

When I think of "acting gay" when used in a negative way I think why is it a negative it makes as much as sense to say" acting straight " that person isn't acting gay ,but just being who they are and that's great .I don't judge a person based off their skin,who they pray to or not,who they sleep next to or not,and how much money they have or don't just how they are as an individual and how they treat me and others.

George Sumu

who cares if peolpe are gay its not a big deal gosh

lvcaxitz

More than one person: sTuPiD

B BJR

I've been told I act like a woman. I don't look gay. But I love Men. I just want to be myself whether being around woman or men.

Stm

Not a very diverse cast..

ghost robles

I'm watching this because people have told me if I am gay, haha. It is so annoying. I am not. I really don't care now. I'm straight so what. ?

B to the Rian

Honest question from a non-homophobic straight Male, Do gay men take offense when you refer to them as "hun" or "sweetheart/sweety" if used in a non condensing way even if we have no repoir between us? For example "Hey, how you doin hun, that's a nice outfit btw" or say I hold the door for a guy who flamboyantly says "thanks babe/hun" while walking past, is it offensive to say "No problem sweetheart/hun" like I address women? I'm actually super curious about this because I wouldn't ever want to think I'm emasculating anyone by using phrases like that.

Omega_ Wolf

I try to act gay even though I'm pan so take that how you will

Taj Jawan Singleton

Rootin tootin ??? I laughed a little

eri

Okay

Senpai UwU

im so mad cuz alot of girls like me but im gay


girl:ur so hot date meh please!


me:i told u a milion times that im gay!


but she never undestands


maybe if i kiis my boyfrend


then shell understand i think

Timothy Garcia

You’re gay if you’re a man who likes men... it’s not the way anyone acts. It’s not that hard guys.

anpanv

hii im a boy and I consider myself as a bi but mostly gay , earlier someone told me my face looks gay , I questioned myself “how do I look gay?” I felt really worried if everyone that knows me thought of the same thing as he said to me because I’m not open about my sexuality. For some reason I found it really offensive even though it’s true.

I didn’t ask for this to happen, I didn’t ask to have this face , to have this kind of tone of voice , the way i act.

im just being myself, and what’s wrong with that?

anpanv

someone said...



if 99% people don’t like you , then 75 million people still like you
so cheer up!! ❤️

solitario 77

Acting gay is acting feminine, like doing what women do I guess. Flipping their wrists, moving your neck like a female would. The ssssss

Every Channel

Why does gay people have a certain voice?

Goped LTD.

anti-lgbtq

NaoStar

2:39 it’s actually easy to spot a gay person tho

set clock --:--

2:32 ignorant fuck!!

Tykope

They all sound gay

XenonKey

There are flamboyant gays... Very girly men. There are manly gay men. Most of the time if I hear the girly man voice I will think it's a gay man. If I hear a ghetto voice it's most likely a black/gangster person voice. Just like people act black and ghetto. End of story

Ayla Westra

3:26 Piscatella is it you???!!

sweetcattv

why so close too their faces like chill with the camera.

MrRawage

It's called a gay lisp, look it up. It's a common way to tell them apart. Lesbians have it too

Mobstar Hipstar

Im bi dont come for me. But I dont like the fem gays who say annoying shit like “Yasss betch YasSsSs” “Slaaaay Betch” “Hunty plz” and “Bye felicia” “YasSsSSssssSsssawwvsgagwveve” like that sht is old and annoying now plz stfu ?

xo. Chill

Hey sisters!!????

Jay Davis

Why is it so similar for a lot of them then? It's a learned set of mannerisms...

timna kuromi

love this

Kate Schirmer

These videos restore my hope in society

Maribel Robles

Your gender shouldn’t be a lifestyle. Just because your a man and you hate sports doesn’t make you gay. Just because your a girl that doesn’t like to ware makeup doesn’t mean that your lesbian. You be who you wanna be PERIOD.

Dark cigare

This is kinda gay

Elliott Lewis

Their voices all sound the same

Andre Hayworth

Sorry, I like being masculine. I want a masculine man. I refuse to apologise for my preferences.

Cl0aked Harp

What are these grown up men talking ab?

Homosapien .a

People go to hell stop bullying on us

TheBrainvision

Gay men are so much fun. Sad I'm straight :(

Jack Stewart The 3rd

I’m sorry, but you can act gay. Wether it’s stereotypical or non, you can act it.

Nazi Nancy

You know Murphy from Z nation? 0:00

Megadriver

I'm guessing if I made a gay voice joke that would be considered of poor taste... But I'm gonna make one anyway...
What do horses eat? Hay.
What do gay horses eat? Haaaaaay!
On a serious note, I've never met the stereotypical, overly-flamboyant gay type. I know a few lgbt folks and they are regular people.

John Jacob Jingle Hammerschmit

Shibobleth

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Justin Johnson

A way to say your not acting macho?

P03ticJustice

They're all acting gay none of yall are acting like women. Its insulting to say gay men act like women. Its alarmingly apparent. Yall are being obtuse.


All that neck twisting and limp wristing and waddling your ass extra hard. Like get out of here actual women dont do all that. And you guys raise your pitch like 2 octaves for no reason. I guess to imitate us. Weird flex

SirCrooKie 115

How do gay peple develop such a gay voice

Anthony Jones

Yeshua Hamaschiach

06/15

Finalboss Oftheinternet

Feminine

George Garcia

There is no such thing as "acting" gay! Being gay is normal because that's how you were created. So if you're "acting" gay, then you're not being what God intended for you. I've been gay for 77 years and NO ONE ever knew just by looking at me. I had to actually tell them. So, I guess I was acting gay and it's not something that can be discerned by the NAKED EYE or by a MACHO SHITHEAD OF A MALE!!!!

BenRangel

1. 'acting' is just a synonym for 'behaving'. When you say someone "acts gay" you don't mean they are pretending. (but possibly that you think they have an exaggerated behavior)
2. Those who argue that such a thing as a gay stereotype doesn't exist and shouldn't be talked about - consider that the dude at 0:16 does a few lines in a hetero stereotype voice

Reza Lucien

We should do a video response to this video by a load of psychoanalysts..

nashikaran

i think if you act out something......your not it. i don't need to know if your gay or not...cause if you are...then you are. all that extra stuff of showing your gay....makes it look like your not confident of what you are.

Bram Zekhuis

Bruh yall gay asf

Taj Jawan Singleton

I think it's the "accent" or the way men sound that ppl believe men are gay. I had one friend that spoke with a flamboyant dialect but he was straighter than a ruler.

Blodershade

Gay people have the gay voice.

Treemaster

Me liking men alone in itself sets me apart from straight men. I’m not going to force myself to be more feminine just so people can tell I’m gay I like how I am.

Kim Mi

"acting gay" is not my personal problem but it might be yours if you don't like it :P

Alith Wolf

Stop being so sensitive. It only offends you if your sensitive about being gay. There is a tremendous amount of flamboyancy in the community that is often the first thing that most people see but at the end of the day who gives a fuck what anybody else thinks