Emotionally absent

Traumatic Impact Of Emotionally Detached Parents -Psychotherapy Crash Course

Traumatic Impact Of Emotionally Detached Parents -Psychotherapy Crash Course31 Oct. 2019
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It's late but here it is!

It's late but here it is! Lol

In this video, I discuss the traumatic impact emotionally detached parents can have on adult children. I also include a short vlog at the end of the video!

I welcome your comments and questions!

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To read my most recent blog post on this topic, click here: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2019/10/intergenerational-trauma-negative-self-talk-that-keeps-you-stuck/

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I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at [email protected]

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Comments (13)

One of my parents is getting their comeuppance through medical issues after years of being a jackass lol. Is it bad that I don't feel sorry for them and kind of get a kick out of it?

Edward Cronus

could you do a video on how religion can negatively impact a family or children? I find myself having to filter topics you bring up heavily, where some things relate heavily, then other things are not even close and it makes me feel lost again. I'm talking about repression, so my parents go the other way on drugs where they never did any and shame anyone who use drugs at all, granted they like.. abuse caffeine haha its funny.

King Chepell

Tamara ,,,,, thank you!!


Hey Doc. Just want to drop you little note to let you know I'm still around. Your last few traumatic or parental videos really doesn't pertain to me, but I still visit to give you a thumbs up. Keep up the good work and have a good weekend :)

Beth Simm

Do you have any more videos planned where your answering questions?
The last one was really helpful.

Darius Olfus

Sounds like a narcissistic parent

Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC

Can you relate to this kind of parent?

If this video was helpful, please like, share, and comment. ?

Alexandra Poulos

Thank you for doing this work ?

Beth Simm

This was so spot on. I remember times when i would be with my mother, and she would be talking about her home life, her marriage and her children as though she had a very "normal" loving family home.
It was something i found really strange as it was nothing like reality.
And the worst part was she knew how it should be and i used to think maybe it was a sign of things going to get better at home but she would get really angry after these sort of conversations and i can remember feeling so inadequate.
But then id fantasize about her story being real.


I LOVE YOUR VLOGS! Please fo more. It adds a personal touch.
Really relating to your topics. Thanks love.


It's so sick the way some parents deliberately keep their child stagnant and unprepared for the world to keep them at home with them. My mother didn't think I'd have the inner resources to escape her narc clutches, but the irony is it was her neglect that opened my eyes and gave me the resilience to get away.

Robert F Sullivan


Duchess Of Essex

Thank you. Both of my parents were emotionally detached.

Adult Children Of Emotionally Detached & Toxic Parents: The Consequences

Adult Children Of Emotionally Detached & Toxic Parents: The Consequences3 Sep. 2018
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This is our final video on

This is our final video on this topic and series. We're going to move into a new topic on Wednesday. But until then, it's important to understand how someone of an emotionally detached parent may grow up and struggle.

Emotionally detached parents aren't just careless. They are often incapable of doing their job as a parent. They are incapable of accountability and holding their responsibility as a parent above everything else. This selfishness often leads to the child feeling all alone.

These kids grow up into adults who not only struggle with their identity, but also their relationships, employment, and perhaps their own parenting. Everything in their adult world becomes just as complicated as it was when they were a child.

In this video, I discuss some of the challenges adult children of emotionally detached parents may face.

Triangulation: https://youtu.be/O5AlmonDF1A

Parental alienation: https://youtu.be/xOgEelBy1R0

Manipulation: https://youtu.be/0hL-tpNyFxI

For my new book (Kindle/Paperback) on Understanding and Helping Suicidal Adolescents, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Understanding-....

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/therapisttee

Website: http://anchoredinknowledge.com

International http://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers

Comments (38)

God is good!... U will heal... ❤️


You're so sincere. Thank you!

Pink Sweater O. G.

SOME people get out?? ??

Dolphin Boy

This probably doesn’t apply to me because my parents always gave me great morals like “good boys get more in this world than bad boys”

Penny C

How do we heal from the emotionally unavailable upbringing?

Brit JJ

My mother was emotionally detached from me growing up and very critical of me. Hardly gave me affection, encouragement or praise and showed signs of being jealous of my relationship with my Dad in my teenage years. My Father was and is my Papa Bear. He made the effort to spend time with me, give me hugs and encouragement and listen to me, we have a special bond. My relationship with him compared to my mother is like night and day.

Mia Bia

I’m 23 now. I’ve done some soul searching finding out who I am and have learned so much about myself but it wasn’t until I met my current bf of 2 years that I really started to understand I may be borderline, I have EVERY symptom. Although he thinks I’m bipolar .. who knows yet. I hope I can talk to a therapist soon. I moved away from home at 20 and I will never go back. I always felt I was to mature and would never hurt my friends the way they hurt me but I didn’t know that it was only because I was forced to grow up so fast that I may have just been more mature than them. Even when I told them what I was going through .. they say “wow..” or “that’s so sad!” Or hell.. maybe even stop talking to me simple because of what I’ve dealt with. On top of that I had bullies and I couldn’t talk to any adult because that was long crushed when I was a child. Hell, even when I was a toddler I was mistreated by the women at my daycare simply because they didn’t like my mother!
I truly believe my grandma could be bipolar and my mother either the same, narcissist or borderline.. mental illness is NEVER talked about!
Everything I know now, I learned from research, and my boyfriend finally telling me “that’s not a normal childhood” ?
My dad was absent. Never answered the phone when I called, would only come to the house to see my mother because I believe he truly still loves her but how can you love her and not the baby you created?(I lived at my grandmas she eventually moved out and let only my siblings and my mom stay.. tbh she was my mothers enabler even tho she screamed to the top of her lungs to me a child how she hated her guts) when I was 20 he took me to get a paternity test to prove I wasn’t his even tho HE KNEW I WAS.. he thinks it’s time to be in my life now and that I just have to accept him like he didn’t treat me like dirt? Nah. My mom beat it into my head that he didn’t love me!
My mom had countless men in and out of the house, told me to stay in my room, she locked her door and never came out unless she was leaving. The only “bonding time” we had was her getting ready to leave to go to the club. She even missed holidays with her kids! She never had a steady job and always quit if she felt like it. Her feelings always mattered over mine. “You don’t know what depressed feels like!” Same with my grandma “Idc what you say, you just want to hear yourself talk!” Or even hitting me. My mom was the black sheep and I believe I was also the black sheep. I had to be a mother to my siblings because she was never there and even if she was she let her mom force me to clean the WHOLE house everyday and take the blame for her and anything my siblings did. My grandma would try to force me to choose her over my mom..Don’t get me started on the domestic violence she brought constantly that, I , more than my siblings witnessed and was even evolved in. These “parents” don’t really care about me, I had no adult I could “look up to” , I didn’t trust adults and because of how she treated me for a long time I was scared of ALL adults and even now I battle with feeling like I’m still a kid. Because she told me constantly how I’m not an adult until I’m 18. And even after that she continued to control my life until I finally moved.
Even when I told both my parents I was raped it was like they shrugged it off. “I’m so sorry.. I wish I was there.. I’m gonna blah blah” then never do a damn thing or just don’t even say they’ll do anything. It took me 2 years to tell them but for what?
There’s just so much but this is to long already!!!
I know I have extreme depression and anxiety , abandonment issues and so on.. nows finding the right therapist!
I loved this video!

Daily Purity

Your mother is not the universe. Get over it. She has no harm to the world that you’re gonna live.

A bit philosophical but that’s what said to myself today after talking with my rude mother and being frustrated.

She’s not my everything.
I’m not only made by her ,so it’s okay.


So needed. Thanks!

Iordanka Milkova

I just encountered your channel. I like the simple and yet rich examples you give in your informative presentations. I have some of questions: Is there a new theory of raising children with detachment?! Or is it an individual approach of some parents? What would you suggest a grandparent do when observing detachment of parent towards a child - my daughter in law towards our young grandchild? Thank you and blessings!

Wendy Cordova

I agree with all EXCEPT the marijuana... I don’t see an issue with that. I don’t smoke it because I just don’t like it but I don’t see an issue with smoking it. I have more of a problem with cigarettes than MJ

Karrie Dreammind

I feel like my situation is different but I can't seem to find the right classification. My parents were largely absent when I was little because of work and I actually lived with my grandparents in a different town for years while my parents visited on some weekends. My parents were loving when I was with them but my heart broke every time they had to leave and I'd regularly cry my eyes out because I missed them so much. Later when I started secondary school at 7 and moved back in with them, after my brother was born, soon after they started having regular arguments and their marriage started shaking and I could see and feel that which in turn affected my self esteem in school etc. Later at the age of 12 my mom and I moved to another country while my dad stayed behind and they spent the next 7 years trying to finalise their divorce. While I'm on good terms with both, I didn't live with my dad since my 12th and only saw him during holidays a few times a year, at 19 my mom and I had a huge rift in our relationship when she got a new boyfriend and decided I wasn't mature and independent enough so she started pushing me away till I moved out of the house. I've always felt like I never got to spend enough quality time with my parents in life and that's been reflected in my relationships as an adult. I've only had 3 more serious relationships so far, the first one starting when I was 18 and breaking my romantic innocent notions of love as the guy I was with only wanted physical fun but didn't return my feelings. After spending 7 years single, repulsed by emotional attachment and having casual physical encounters only, I finally felt ready to give it another go, thinking I've outgrown the past, only to end up with another 2 relationships where I fall hard for the guy I'm with and with them not returning my feelings, or at least not to the extend of my own feelings. It hurts me intensely every time, yet at the moment I'm still in that relationship, as I've decided I'm not going to run away. I want to learn the lesson I'm supposed to and I want to use the opportunity to heal what I can while I'm still in this situation (because I feel leaving and finding somebody else isn't going to solve my internal problems and I'll keep falling into the same pattern again). But how..? How do I heal?

deepak hansda

Please make more videos

Philippe SHOCK Matthews

Incredible information Tamara; thank you!

Stephen Seger

Very helpful for a young therapist, Tamara!


Emotionally detached parents are poison ??. Disaster combo,..they just basically raise robots smh

goduskychris Chris Godusky

I'm a good person but, IM TRYING to get better with therapy but everytime I try to make up with my parents they always seem to put me back on depression I can never win I have no appetite anymore and my parents don't care

Jiju Blue

Spending the whole day watching all your last videos and this is all what we need to build a healthy life with our children and the new generation for a better future. ???

LeeLee S

I have a question Ms. Hill
What can a person do if they were the person that was emotionally detached (new grandparent) and it has caused my daughter to be detached from her child. How can this be fixed

Miss Markle

You are a Godsend!

Jason Gafar

Parents are supposed to build a child. My parents broke me.

Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC

Triangulation and Toxic Parenting https://youtu.be/O5AlmonDF1A

Luna O

I would say pathological liars are because in childhood they had to constantly lie about their home life. Maybe lying that their home life was different to what it was and then constantly playing and adding onto the lie.

sheena vaughan

Hey interesting video. Any suggestions or material on How do you create or find your identity ?

bobbie starz

Damn you called me a trainwreck sigh but I accept and shall grow even more...I take responsibility even with all that happen because I learn life is unfair and fair to us all

Azazel Goddess

Wow you have explained my siblings, I walked away from my toxic family because of this mess....I had to wake up to my own trauma but talking to my siblings about what I seen in them it started WW3 it’s horrible! I’d love to share your videos with them but I’m sure they’ll laugh and throw insults back to me???

gregory davis

This is true growing up in a single mom household no matter what I did I always felt I wasn't good enough it got to the point when I got older I would workout like crazy and got the body I wanted and still felt I wasn't good enough.

Aumiisaniimyoko w

those kind of videos open Pandora's box!

Skinny Man Twiggz

29 yrs, 6'1'' 120 lb. Cant take care of myself anymore. Im a sad broken man now. No goal in life.

Kahlo Diego

I grew up in a swamp of risk factors. My parents were able to keep that covered up. They're reputation was what mattered. This was done so well even I was confused/fooled up til now (I'm 60.). They covered it up so well I was ineligible for community help i.e. disability and student loans that could have saved me. Their cover up was more important.

rexhunter 27

What if my guidance councilor suggest my parents i need to see a expert
But my parents gets mad at me for thag...

Michelle Blackmon

My parents were toxic 15 and 18 so I didn’t do those things I was an over protective mother my kids are more disfunctional. My husband set no boundaries made me look crazy

A Zone

My parents were emotionally detached parents, however they grew up in a war with all sorts of craziness. It's ultimately up to your own self, to mature in this world and develop healthy relationships. Don't blame others, don't be angry at the world, and be a good person in this world.

me me

I can´t afford therapy but thank you so much for offering good information.

Patricia Roysdon

I am 62, almost 63, and now recently I am learning about what happened...if there is reincarnation, I am asking for parents who love me. If not, I am going to have a long chat with God about why this happened to me. Besides the distant parenting, I was also bullied at school. I am admittedly messed up as an adult as far as my two marriages and choice of mates. I tend to stay away from social stuff. BPD, albeit mild. I chalk this life up as a loss, basically.

Demo Jones

My parents broke me and I'm just now dealing with all of this my mom and dad are dysfunctional and growing up I seen and heard them fight a lot and they would bring me and my big brother into it mostly me I get called a liar even when I'm telling the truth still to this day my brother is there favorite there golden child and I'm the black sheep he betrayed me growing up still to this day I want nothing to do with him or our parents don't get me wrong I love my family but I'm not dealing with them once once my brother knew he was there favorite he started to lie on me get me into trouble just because he felt like it and him and our other family members would bully me my own so called family members where my first bullys I would get bullied for having lighter skin I've had my hair cut I've been used abused and mistreated I grew up suicidal and depressed I still struggle with depression from time to time and I try to nip people pleasing into a bud this is just a little of what happened to me growing up and I'm only 20 trying to fix and undo all of this trama I have faced I pray god has mercy on my soul

Decent Loser

What do you have to say about parents who never listen to their kids when they grow into adults?

example my mother she never listens to what I say even though I'm living by myself because I wanted to get away from her and get away from my home and I want to be independent but she never listens to what I say if I say to her respect my rules respect my boundaries she doesn't listen she just does whatever she wants what do you think about that kind of parent?

example she thinks that because she is my mother she thinks that she can just do whatever she wants even though I say to her if you're going to do something for me. You should do it my way because you are trying to help me. For example. If she wants to buy me food I say to her well you need to buy food that I'm actually going to eat. But I also say to her why don't you just give me the money and let me go buy my own food so I can get the food that I'm going to eat, instead of you just buying random food that either I don't like or I'm not going to eat and wasting your money.

Or also how about the fact that when she comes to my apartment she just does whatever she wants, she'll touch random furniture and move things around and she acts like my apartment is somehow her apartment. She just disrespects me when I'm telling her don't touch my stuff, stop doing this, stop doing that and she doesn't listen. What do you think about that kind of parent?

Christian's Grandma

I was raised by a relative whereas my mom kept 4 of her children. For years I have tried to develop a close relationship with my mother, but have failed. Too many times when there was a conflict with the same younger sibling, she would side with him. Recently he (55years old) slammed the door in my face because he felt I had no right to enter her home without knocking on the door. Ofcourse she didn't tell him she was expecting me or tell him I had as much right to come into the house as he does. I have decided to tell her how I feel and keep my distance for awhile. All my life I have felt as if I was the step child. I've lived with low self esteem, sexual abuse, and promiscuity. I'm 61 years and have started preparing my self for a new career I've put off due to fear of failure. I'm tired of allowing people to dump their rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate treatment towards me. If this means I have to distance myself from my family so I can healthy, then so be it.

Growing up with emotionally detached parents

Growing up with emotionally detached parents14 May. 2020
The SuelutionSubscribe 438 721

Hello hello my loves!

Hello hello my loves!

I’m speaking here about my experience with living with young parents who raised my brother and I while still trying to build their own lives.

Things were tough and they still are sometimes but as you work through the motions of healing your inner child and providing self love, you will begin to transform your life into one of compassion.

Let me know what you guys feel down below ?

My website where I post blogs and tips:


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Much love ?

Comments (5)
Jerry Taylor

I like the color of your earrings. Way different look from your 12th house sun video...Lol And thanks for sharing your story, i can definitely relate.

Priya Verma

Coming from a family with both my parents working as busy-ass civil servants and my father disowning me ever since I was born (12th House Pisces Sun which makes me super emotionally-intelligent, lol the irony), I grew up in a pretty emotionally detached and semi-neglectful environment watching them fight and what not. The saving grace have been my two precious siblings and a loving, stable relationship with my mother who's literally my bestest friend ever (10th House Cap Moon. I'm truly grateful for them.

Like you said and I agree, it has always been difficult for me to open up to friends, especially in relationships, due to my childhood experiences. I have really high expectations from people and I have major trust issues lol but I'm working on this. And yes, with this conditioning comes the independence streak. Even though I was very co-dependent as a teen, I can now say as an adult that I truly value my independence the most.

I mean we can be so harsh towards our parents about their mistakes but it's important to realize that they never took lessons on parenting and went along with the best that they had to offer and I get it now and I always try to thank my mom for doing all that she did as a single, working mother for the three of us bc I know she has a lot of regrets just like every other working parent.

This was such a well-articulated talk, Sue. I'm glad you were able to heal. Thanks for an empowering heart-to-heart. xx

GoldenEagle Charm

I had emotionally charged parents but they were narcissistic and you had a sun in the 12th house. You are seeing what needs healing in the world. You have to also remain detached! Thanks for your story. We would make good friends. I have an old Saturrn Return video. I hope to make more videos as well with my ideas. Keep it up . Look into starseeds as well. There is some truth behind it.

Denice V

Thank you so much! Finding this video was a confirmation and so validating. I'm reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and my gosh it's so healing yet triggering

Simbull 11

Thanks for sharing