Finding casual sex

The TRUTH About Women And Casual Sex | Paging Dr. NerdLove

The TRUTH About Women And Casual Sex | Paging Dr. NerdLove29 Mar. 2019
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Why aren't more women interested in casual sex? What can guys do to find women who're interested in a no-strings hook-up? It's time to talk about the TRUTH about women, casual sex and how to find it...


▶︎ Why women prefer relationships to hook-ups and casual partners

▶︎ How the orgasm gap affects our relationships

▶︎ Why being The Cool Girl works against women AND men

▶︎ Why "casual" sex is BAD sex

▶︎ What men can do to find more casual, no strings hook-ups

...and so much more


▶︎ The Truth About Casual Sex (And Where To Get It):

▶︎ 5 Rules For Better Hook-Ups -

▶︎ What Women Wish Men Knew About Good Sex -

▶︎ Who REALLY Has The Power In Dating? -

▶︎ Stop Calling It 'Casual Sex' -

▶︎ BUY my new book //I Got Her Number. Now What? A Geek's Guide To Texting, Snapchatting and Sliding into DMs// -



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Welcome to the Show Kevin MacLeod (

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License

Comments (18)

So as an 40-ish woman who's most common sexual experiences have been casual, (mix of one-night stands and casual dating) i would say one of the biggest issues is attitude by largely North American men (Can/USA).

Some of the worst sex I had was with ppl i was seeing/knew, and the best sex i had was with a casual dating hookup who moved away shortly after (we slept together second day of hanging out together) and reconnected a number of years later when they were back in the country. I would say there was great sex with an early 20s relationship and a very brief friend hookup, altho both had issues and bailed for various reasons.

The reason I bring up the NA men thing is, in my experience when i travel, or when hooking up with other nationalities European/African, etc. they treat you like a person and not a conquest. NA men treat interacting with women as a zero sum game, acting as if casual kindness, talking, etc. is a prelude to a serious relationship and not worth their time and to be avoided at all costs. In more extreme cases I find them to be straight up hostile. It's bizarre! And quite frankly a toxic mindset on how to view the opposite sex. Also I'm not anti-porn but there are def men who are consuming a certain type of porn way too much and thinking this is what women want and are okay with. Way too much casual s&m creeping in without asking if your partner is into it first is really. not. cool.

Daniel Rand

Please do how to get laid on an individual level, for us socially awkward people forcing ourselves into the dating world. Not incels or women haters. Just people who struggle with social situations. Such as my self. Who moved around 8 times in highschool and now at 19 with my lack of experience find this of modern dating confusing.

Katie Preston

I definitely have more success with FWB than casual one night stands with men. More often than not when I have a one night stand, I regret not having grabbed a bag of Doritos and going home alone. I've gone into these situations with an existing relationship with my FWB so they were already somewhat invested in me as a human being. But if a 1 night stand knows they'll never see me again, what's the point of them giving a fuck about me?

Kelly M

Another thing is just comfort with your partner. Doc mentioned this briefly, but a lot of social programming directed at women actively discourages us from asking for or even knowing what we want sexually. It either takes mad self-confidence or the comfort of a trusted, known individual to overcome that.

Mira Black really like your videos. As a woman i think it's really interesting to hear the problems that a lot of guys may face in dating as a different perspective, especially since I tend to have similar issues myself.
But is it at all possible to have more female-centric episodes? Not like all the time but maybe like a monthly thing. I feel like while all these episodes are great, it really is for a male point of view, especially on how to get dates. But meanwhile there are a lot of women who have a hard time finding partners, long or short term, or even just finding dates, and would like some pointers in that direction as well. Maybe something to consider for the future.


Please include links to the cited studies in the description! Love your work :)


I reentered university in my 30s, and couldn't believe the ignorance about sex in young males. But speaking with acquaintances my age at a party, it's the same. I'm not like a sex machine, but I know that foreplay is important, and can find a clitoris in the dark, so the basic minimum is covered. Thank god my mom was open about sex growing up.

Peter Yang

awesome video, you're right about women prefer Friends with benefits over hookup with strangers


I've never understood HOW dudes can be so awful at sex with women when it's so obvious and simple how to be good at it. I've only been having sex since my mid-20s and I've had no issues pleasuring my long-term partners. Like legitimately, all you have to do is more than just fucking stick it in at the first instance and spend a bit of time warming your partner up. Have a bit of foreplay; play with their boobs, kiss their neck, rub their panties around their good bits...hell, even ask what it is they like that gets them hot and steamy. It may be something out of left field you would never expect.

Fuckin' communication. It's not hard, bros.

I'm legitimately becoming more convinced that advice like this is falling on deaf ears, though. I want to believe it's a lack of education and legitimate awareness, but somehow I think there's a large subset of guys who don't actually care about their partner's pleasure or even their own pleasure to some extent, and sleeping with people is just a power status thing to them; just another notch to add to their belt, or a way to manipulate their partner ('I'm going to enjoy myself but you're not because *that's what this relationships is*'). That's what it basically is to the Red Pill-types and their offshoots. They seem to treat it like anyway; they seem to have that dark-triad bullshit attitude of 'everything is about sex except sex itself, sex is about power.'

Come on guys, I'm not a self-loathing man who thinks all men are the rightful victims of the Me Too movement, but I definitely don't blame some people for thinking that considering some of the attitudes I see in some circles. Prove me wrong here and show me that not all sex is some Machiavellian power play.

Kielo Maria Maja

I am very happy to see that you have almost recovered the con crud. This is an excellent episode!

So, in a nutshell, the advice would be: educate yourself and be a considerate partner?


Well, then I'm extremely unlucky, cuz I do neither of bad things said in this video and I still can't find laid

Thomáz Sátiro

It would be nice if you put the articles you are referring to in the description too! :D

Blaze !

Good video you deserve more subscribers!

ijustwantedtocomment butnowIgottamakeachannel

Hey doc this is probably not part of most of the stuff you do, but I want to sort of hear you discuss issues of revenge porn and whether to share a photo or not. I have met too many guys unfortunately who indescriminantly share photos of girls they know in swimsuits or photos of their latest hook up and etc. Also a YouTube channel called asian boss did a cool video about spy cam porn issues in Korea recently. I know its not just Korea but the U.S. and other countries face similar problems. Like the airbnb issues.

Alice the Mad Rabbit

From what I've observed in my bubble of friends (early 20s), sex already makes you very vulnerable physically and emotionally. A woman would rather not have sex or have sex with someone close to them rather than risk their lives or risk getting an std going to a stranger off the internet's house. Other's don't seek casual sex because knowing the person actually cares for you and wants to be with you makes the sex better. The people I do know who are very sexual and have casual sex have fwbs who they know and trust and enjoy having sex with.
Trust that you're not going to take advantage of someone, make them feel safe and wanted is necessary and hard to find in "casual" hook-ups

Barbara Folk

As a woman, yep, this is true!! :) or is that ;(

Virginia Davila



Since there seems to be so many Don Won's in the comments. I can say with life experience and in my middle 40s. That women are very judgementle people. I know this to be true as girls all though my years in school. Tore me down just because I was a very anxious and haveing learning disabilities. I was in special education classes and there are very if any girls in thoughts classes. So the girls that I was around was the regular smart girls in the other part of my schools. Haveing anxiety and social anxiety I never had a girlfriend and or kissed a girl. Till this day I am still girlfriendless and still never kissed a girl. I would not even know how to kiss or have sex. I hear that it's easy to talk to women or to get with them. Well I am here and telling You to Your face. You are flat out lying people and the truth is not in you. Guys that have it made are the pretty boys and guys with fast cars and money. But guys like myself do not have that luxury nore will I ever. I have tryed more things though many decades to work on myself and make myself better. But the truth is I am a defective guy that was f at birth even before I ever got started in life. I was never able to figure it out like my smarter better counterparts we're. We have a reson for feeling the way we do we feel defeated defected but some how we're still the complainers. We're not complaining we are just trying to be like everyone else's we are guys after all. Failer yes but still a guy.

Heels Off Unseen: Does Having Multiple Casual Sexual Partners Makes It Harder To Be Loyal?

Heels Off Unseen: Does Having Multiple Casual Sexual Partners Makes It Harder To Be Loyal?21 Feb. 2019
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Heels Off Unseen is a new segment that will give you a chance to see some of the unreleased topics and discussions from previous seasons.

Heels Off is an online talk show hosted by five ladies Rita Balogun (@MsRitaB), Amina Habeeb (@_ThisIsAmina), Mercedes Benson (@MercedesfBenson), Toni Tone (@T0niT0ne) and Oloni (@Oloni). Through their unique perspectives on life these five bold ladies are able to give their opinions and thoughts on a range of topics such as relationships, love, beauty, fashion, and much more. Their unique outlook on day-to-day conversations brings an energetic and entertaining approach to the modern day talk show.

Twitter: HeelsOffUK

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Any enquires please email:

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Comments (52)

you cant call someone's sexual lifestyle gross and say if you have sex with alot of people you have issues and if you have one partner you dont the point is you can no sexual partners and have issues its a case by case issue


I would love to hear more on this one! the Unseen ones are too short!

Kem Talks

Think this should have been longer. Interesting topic I feel this generation is over fed in more ways than one. So being content becomes harder especially when it seems like there are so many options. It’s all about mindset at the end of the day.


The topics of the unseen clips are better than the full episodes

tosin onatade

Should be longer tbh

Rodger G

Learn how to write and speak fucking English!


Actually the more you sex partners you have the les likely you are to pair bond (settle down with someone and be content) that is actual factual

Saabirah Lawrence

Humans are lazy they think everything just happens like that, nope it all takes work. If you’re doing sexually liberated and then go into a monogamous relationship, do the work that is needed in order to be in that relationship 100% emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually!! Either that or just accept that you do not want to settle down, it’s not for everyone, make a conscious decision that is right for you and fair on others no point getting into a relationship only to be unfaithful


Men... Watch the “Red Pill” documentary and look up MGTOW (men guarding their own wallet). Stay woke.


Why must being sexually liberated meaning being promiscuous? ??‍♀️

Taylor Swiften

Casual sex is imaginary and only happens when paying sluts .
This program is only made to gain money from watchers

Dave Brown

Omg I listened to the whole video and I left gaining nothing lmao that was just confusing but the jus for me was regardless if your man or women if you turned hoeing into a habbit is it ok to keep hoeing my answer is yes as long as you tell all your partners your hoeing at the moment lol...and no if your to scared to tell them your being a hoe cause all that matters is the truth

welisane rich

I red an article which said people who have had multiple sexual patners have a hard time being faithful when they settle down. Compared to people with lower patners. ??

Jillian Jillian

How can I get a clear consensus when their talking over one another?

Remi Martha

Amen Amina! Sex is alot deeper than the physical act.

Jcorp Films

I like the fact that females are being honest about these topics and really looking at the issues at hand objectively instead of being bias. I normally don’t watch these kinda stuff but the amount of common sense especially coming from the 3 ladies on the left is winning me over and that’s a big deal. Well done girls. I think this topic also has to deal with the machinery of a man and woman and the differences in how we are built, though a man can also be affected and we are affected when it comes to loyalty and promiscuity, but the woman is affected more because she is naturally built differently. It’s getting to a point where one man is not enough, it’s scarier in the women side when this happens because they loose interest in the man and always thinking there’s something better out there where as guys affected by the same issue don’t loose interest, they just play behind the partners back. A lot more to it but well done on the honest and objective approach.

Aisha Dra

I just love TONI❤❤❤❤

Stephany Ohaz

I love Toni!!! She’s so eloquent when she speaks. Great job tackling this topic ladies!

carmella brown

Why does sexual liberation means promiscuity? It's interesting that women keep these narratives going.


She isn’t yours, it’s just your turn. Don’t spend all your money and time on a woman that jumping in and out of other men’s beds. I don’t feel comfortable telling any secrets or private information to someone thats sleeping with rivals.

Villane Walcott

This ended before it even started ?? but I agree with all the points stated . If the mind is fixed upon a goal then it is much more easier to execute it ???? . It a shame our generation doesn’t recognise this power we all have by ourselves to change our lives, because we fear being lonely too much .??


Not trying to be mean, but talk about women, because without a male, you are projecting and using anecdotal information without fact, data to your position. It's clear some of you do not understand men as well.


in the end its the man that decides your worth.... the more sex partners a woman has the less chance she has with a man.... a man doesnt want what any other man can get so easy.... there is nothing special if you give it to everybody. look at all older woman before you... how did that turn out... i teach men the same concept....

Gemma Natalia Mauritz

Why are this episodes so short now?

Sid Miguel

It's almost taboo to say this but sex is a lot more emotional for women than people think it is. If you meet a 10/10 guy, physically perfect in every way, but who had dogshit confidence, zero charm, awkward and socially inept then most women probably wouldn't sleep with him. Men on the other hand will go out and pay strange women for sex like it's no biggie. Sexual "liberation" and promiscuity are a double-edged sword. It's your right to do what you want with your body, but it'll take a toll on you emotionally.

Keren Israel

Stop talking over each other ?

Simply Stephanie

Yes, I'm sexually mature and free it means more than one partner whenever I feel it and I am in control. I am not in the need to be fixed I just don't want to be in a relationship with men on all levels and not just for the sex. I am also a a mature beautiful woman who younger men are attracted too. Women can be free on all levels and function well.
Don't let yourself be boxed in due to stereotypes and silly gender roles.


love this but ladies pls don't talk over each other.


Also, at the end one of the women said that we act as if sex is just an action without feelings but that is pretty much exactly what it is for the majority of men, women are the ones who's feelings take over when they sleep with someone.

That alone should tell you that women weren't built to sleep around. Biology lets us know that men can reproduce pretty much until they die.

Tokunbo Olaleye

what some of you call liberation is in reality bondage.Ilove the wisdom of 2 girls hear.the first talked about habit once a dog hmmmm most likely to be a dog in marriage. The second lady was the one who spoke last...... a condom is not going to protect you emotionally,intellectually and spiritually. Enough abuse of sex we are intelligent beings who can make wise choices not dogs that are instinctive they cant reason like people and they dont have hopes and dreams like people


Easy answer for women is yes. They find it harder to pair-bond with each additional sexual partner as less oxytocin is released as they add to their body count. They can feel empowered all they want but it's only harming their own long term happiness down the line

Lawrence Hammersley

Bad boys have a bunch of sex with many women good guys want to settle down with one woman.


I think in the future incest sexual relationship become more popular . No Wonder ????Please God ?? just destroy the earth?????????????

J.D 2.0 N54

Women are walking around sleeping with multiple men.
But when they are all washed up, and their pxssy wore out, they want to settle down.
Wonder why most men today just want sex and not relationship.

Banane Wane

I’m sexually liberated, sex-positive, empowered ect. and I’ve made the decision to be monogamous because that’s what works for me. As long as you aren’t hurting anyone, do what works for you.

Heels Off

Comment below and let us know your opinion!


We live in a society that has tainted our minds to believe that just because men do it then we must do it too to be “liberated”. Women should have all the rights and opportunities to do whatever they want, but this sex positive movement has promoted the idea that being promiscuous is somehow good and women should sleep around and expose themselves to STDs, unwanted babies and soul ties with toxic men to prove they can do it as well.

Real feminism entails looking out for women’s best interest, and the last thing we should be doing is loading ourselves to the standard of men when we should be educating and empowering young girls to see the value in seeing their bodies as temples and not allowing anyone to use them a human masturbator, that we se emote than that.

Little Miss DeeDee

No - if it does, you’re not in love IMO.

Or, you’re still in contact with someone you were dealing with prior.

I will say, having an experienced sexual history can make it hard to be loyal because if you’re used to having sex with a man/woman who knew how to please you sexually, and not you’re with someone who’s still learning what turns you on, the process of having to teach that all over again can be frustrating.

Laura Bora

What is considered " many" sexual partners?


You can't have everything you want just because you are a women .

Kojo Boateng

Generally, there’s a thing called tea testesterone in men which makes guys more hornier compared to the average female. Don’t try to “socialise” it with this therapy stories about abondonment of that guy. That chemical just makes guys horny to have sex with as many females as possible. What prevents that natural urge is the discipline of the guy, the respect for his partner, or his awareness of the consequences of being caught when he sleeps around.


Men and women are totally different.

Fanie Thabo

It's fine to be sexually "liberated", just don't be surprised when you can't find a partner or marriage in the future and ask where all the good men have gone.

Neil N

Youre all speaking at the same time. Be respectful and take turns.

Odo Blackstar_:

Oloni was on mute. She didn’t have any intelligent point to say,

six bullet is bad at destiny

You can be sexually liberated just dont expect your provider male when your youth is gone!


Ladies do what you want, live your life. I do believe though it is harder biologically speaking for women to pair bond with a particular man if she has or had quite a few partners.


Feminism has exposed female nature for it is. Less men are getting married because they are waking up to the scam.

Kelachi Onyebuchi

men have been doing what they want for years but soon as women want to own their sexuality, our generation is lawless


Someone has to moderate who speaks at a time and question your opinions. Some of the things you are saying are contradictory.


They don't even know what sexually liberated means! It's being free from the Standards of God Almighty "I AM" So instead of "Thus saith the Lord" it's "Do what thou wilt" your will rather then God's! doing your will is obviously a downward spiral which ends in destruction and hell eternally, so whilst you can follow your own will, being a law unto yourself, "liberated" from Gods will,
YOU are NOT FREE, from the Consequences of doing that, because you are not actually a god. you are just a rebel to God! and of course will face a punishment IF you die a rebel.
Christ is the only way out of that.

Collos Esters

Nobody is willing to admit they're fuckin multiple ppl. Ppl usually keep it lowkey...